


Of Course Gender is The Humans' Fault

by Frog_that_writes



Series: Queer Bad Kids (dimension 20) [2]
Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: No Dialogue, Nonbinary fig, Rated for cursing, Trans Character, but i don't really go into it, genderfluid fig, she's also deffo queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frog_that_writes/pseuds/Frog_that_writes
Summary: Sometimes when something causes you to question one part of your identity, you start questioning all of it. This all accumulates in the classic way it does for most teenagers in Fig. With late night google searches.
Series: Queer Bad Kids (dimension 20) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603384
Comments: 3
Kudos: 95





	Of Course Gender is The Humans' Fault

Fig knew better than most (the only real exception being Kristen) that when you start questioning something, you start questioning everything. 

When you're 14 and theres a weird constant itch in your head that won't go away that seems to worry your mom so much every time you complain about it, things are just starting to get scary. When the itch turns into a constant dull ache just in time for the end of middle school, it's terrifying. When you wake up in the middle of the night in so much pain with something sharp peaking out of your hair that's covered in blood, it feels like a game over. When you rush to the mirror and pull back hair until you finally see two small horns growing out of your head, you're relieved. Everything makes sense. 

It feels like finally exhaling after holding your breath for far too long.

And then you realize that actually, no, none of this makes sense. You were always told that you were an elf. Both of your parents are elves and you look like an elf and it just makes sense and is so easy for you to be an elf. 

And know you're angry. Because somebody fucking lied to you. 

A deep part of Fig knew it was ridiculous to be this resentful. Her mom was just trying her best to provide a good life for her daughter. And until the horns started growing in, Sandralyn didn't even know for sure whether she was Gilear's or the then anonymous demon. She should just accept that and move on.

But the problem was that she had been  _ so scared for so long  _ and all the while her mom had just been hiding the real reason she was in pain from her. Fig had spent the better part of a year thinking there was something seriously wrong with her that her mom was just ignoring, but it turns out she was just too scared to tell the truth. And Fig didn't know if she could forgive her for that.

But in those moments where she waited to talk to her mom her whole world had felt like it was turning upside down. Suddenly she was an elf. And suddenly she didn't know for sure who her real parents were. And suddenly nothing was what it had been when she went to bed last night. She wasn't even dying, just going through a different puberty than she had planned for. 

She almost would have preferred dying. 

She got a few answers from her mom but it wasn't  _ enough.  _ She still didn't know who she was, not really. And more importantly, she didn't know who  _ he  _ was. 

And now her parents were fighting all the time, and it was her mom's fault but it was also her's, and she was punching walls and pawning her violin to buy an electric guitar and her mom's eyes were  _ worried  _ and da- Gilear's were  _ hurt  _ and Fig's were  _ angry.  _

And her not-dad was moving out into some shitty apartments and she was starting at a new school as a different person in the fall, and everything was fine except for when it wasn't.

Honestly, she wasn't sure when the rest of it slipped in there. One minute all she was worried about was her parentage and her race and then suddenly there were thoughts of sexuality and gender and nothing really made sense. Because maybe this was a demon thing, and it was because of her new horns and the bud of a tail growing from her spine that she thought the girl who worked at Ruth 22 was like, a total hottie, and she found herself thinking the jackets in the guys sections were  _ wayyyyy  _ cooler than the girl's. Maybe this was something that made tiefling's and elves different. 

But her mom had gotten Fig her own crystal somewhere in the chaos of hurt and confusion and bruised knuckles and broken drywall, and googling was easy so she buckled down and did research when her brain wouldn't stop screaming at 3 in the morning. It was summer break and sleep was irrelevant but there were guitar lessons to take and rocks to kick so some sort of sleep schedule would be nice.

The research was more interesting than sleep. 

Apparently the concept of genders in elves was a relatively new thing. Something adopted to fit into other societies as they began to mingle, especially in towns like Elmville where there was no separation between races. Elves never used to have the idea of short hair on someone and long hair on someone else. They were what most of the blogs she stumbled upon called nonbinary.

The word felt strangely right.

Fig wasn't as concerned with the pronouns in all honesty. Gender just seemed like such a waste to her. Why did you have to present yourself a certain way so strangers would know what's in your pants? It was probably the humans fault they ended up like this, scared to deviate from anything that was considered normal only in the scope of a century or two. Humans and their weird standards.

She was fine with she for simplicity sake, but if she really thought about it there were days where it felt a little less okay and days when it felt better than okay. Elves didn't seem to have a great word for it, but that was where the tiefling research came in. 

Because while elves seemed to share her sentiment that gender was a fucking big ass waste of time and they should all just make out with whoever the prettiest consenting person was, tieflings seemed to have an intense interest in the subject.

There were demigirls and demiboys and people who were agender and people who were nothing or everything and people who. Shifted. Like she did, apparently. Genderfluid. Well, Fig certainly felt like her life had been pretty fluid lately. She didn't share what seemed like a fanatic interest in the idea of categorizing one self the way it seemed many tiefling communities did, but she liked the knowledge that someone out there felt the same way she did. She wasn't alone. 

And she wasn't alone in the aspect of liking people with the same sex as her, that was made damn well clear by her very first search in the incognito tab that night. 

She was Fig *redacted* and sometimes she loudly announced to her friends that if they called her a girl that day they would get no more bardic inspiration and that was fine. They were cool, and frankly used to her dramatics and everything worked out. Even if it took a little while, at least she had this whole thing figured out better than Kristen did. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fig says fuck you to the concept of gender and I think that's beautiful   
> I kinda based this off my own relationship with gender lol. Like I tend to prefer they/them and Fig might too if she decides to think about it more but she just doesn't really care imo  
> Comment&Kudo to become my god


End file.
